Techniques Used in Couples Therapy Sessions

By: Dr. Samantha Awalt

All relationships, whether long-term or new, can be challenging to navigate. In this blog article we will explore different techniques used in couples therapy sessions. Couples therapy offers a path to understanding and resolving challenges that often come up in relationships.

This blog article discusses techniques designed to resolve conflict and enhance communication. When conflict decreases and communication increases, connection tends to feel stronger and better. The techniques are applicable to a wide range of issues, from infidelity to communication problems and sexual difficulties.

Understanding Couples Therapy

Couples therapy, also known as marriage counseling or couples counseling, is a type of psychotherapy. It focuses on helping couples — married or not — understand and resolve conflicts to improve their relationship.

Therapists use a variety of techniques to help couples improve their communication skills, solve problems, and negotiate differences. The therapy can be short-term, focusing on immediate issues, or long-term, addressing more complex relationship problems.

Importantly, couples therapy isn’t just for couples in crisis. It can also be beneficial for couples looking to enhance their relationship and deepen their understanding of each other. The ultimate goal is to help couples build healthier relationships and prevent future conflicts.

The Goals of Couples Therapy

The primary goal of couples therapy is to improve the relationship between the partners. Couples will enhance communication, understanding, and mutual respect for one another. By meeting these goals, couples will be able to navigate future challenges effectively.

Common Challenges Addressed in Couples Therapy

Below are some common challenges that couples want to address in sessions.

Communication issues
Infidelity
Sexual dissatisfaction
Disagreements over parenting styles
Financial stress
In laws or family boundaries

Therapists also help couples deal with external stressors that can strain a relationship, such as job loss or the illness of a loved one.

A mental health professional can also help couples navigate other mental health issues. For example, addiction, depression or anxiety, personality disorder, or other mental health condition. Mental illness can have a significant impact on relationship dynamics.

Core Couples Therapy Techniques

Couples therapy techniques tend to be most effective if the technique resonates with the couple themselves. When reading about each different technique, try to pay attention to what resonates or “clicks” with you. What sounds like the best approach? What makes you feel the most comfortable or hopeful?

Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT)

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a short-term approach to couples therapy. It focuses on adult relationships and attachment/bonding. The therapist works with the couple to identify attachment bonds.

The therapist will figure out each person’s attachment style in the relationship and help them build a strong bond with each other. This will help move the couple towards a secure attachment, if they don’t already have one. By developing a secure attachment the couple will be able to trust one another more. This promotes the relationship moving in a healthier, more positive direction.

The Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is another popular technique used in couples therapy. The Gottman method includes the following elements:

Building love maps
Sharing fondness and admiration
Turning towards instead of away from one another
Accepting influence
Solving solvable problems
Overcoming gridlock
Creating shared meaning

The primary goal from The Gottman method is to increase closeness and friendship. Secondarily, the goal is to address conflicts productively and build a life of shared meaning with one another.

Imago Relationship Therapy

Imago Relationship Therapy combines spiritual and behavioral techniques with western psychological methodologies. This technique helps couples reconnect with each other. Couples will connect with one another via communication exercises.

The exercises help the couple understand their partner’s feelings. Another benefit to this technique is that couples heal childhood wounds together.

The primary goal for this method is to move from blame and reactivity to understanding. Empathy building and changing negative cycles of interaction develop this.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps couples develop coping skills and understand their thought patterns. In couples therapy, CBT helps partners recognize and change dysfunctional patterns of thinking and behavior. This can improve the way they communicate and interact, leading to a healthier relationship.

Narrative Therapy

Narrative therapy allows couples to tell their own story. The therapist helps the couple explore their relationship story and identify strengths and abilities. This helps the couple build a new, positive relationship story.

This approach can help couples to see their problems in a different light and to find new ways to tackle them.

Solution-Focused and Systemic Therapies

Solution-focused therapy is a goal-directed collaborative approach to psychotherapeutic change. Therapists conduct it by directly observing clients’ responses to a series of precisely constructed questions.

Systemic therapy sees relationships as systems and focuses on communication within the system. It helps couples to understand and change their communication patterns.

Enhancing Communication and Connection

Regardless of the type of therapy you choose, working on effective communication is an important aspect of couples therapy. Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship.

In couples therapy, therapists use various techniques to enhance communication between partners. These techniques aim to improve understanding, foster empathy, and facilitate effective conflict resolution.

Active Listening and Empathy Exercises

Active listening is a crucial skill in effective communication. Therapists often use exercises to help couples improve their active listening skills. These exercises can help partners to truly understand each other’s perspectives, fostering empathy and reducing misunderstandings.

Conflict Resolution Strategies

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. However, the way couples handle conflict can make a significant difference in their relationship health. Therapists help couples resolve conflicts by teaching them to use “I” statements and avoid blaming each other.

Building Intimacy Through Shared Activities

Shared activities can be a great way to build intimacy and connection. Therapists often encourage couples to engage in activities that they both enjoy. These shared experiences can help to strengthen the bond between partners and create positive memories.

The Role of Homework and Practice Outside Sessions

Working on relationships extends beyond being in session. Therapists often assign homework to couples to practice the skills they learn in sessions. This practice outside sessions is crucial for the long-term success of therapy.

Communication Exercises for Couples

Communication exercises are a common type of homework assigned in couples therapy. These exercises can range from practicing active listening to expressing feelings and needs effectively. By practicing these skills outside therapy, couples can improve their communication in real-life situations.

Trust-Building Activities

Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship. therapists may assign trust-building activities as homework to help couples rebuild trust. This is even more common when couples are struggling after a betrayal or need support to strengthen their bond. These activities can include honesty exercises, shared responsibilities, and consistency in actions.

Individual Reflection and Personal Growth

Couples therapy is not just about the relationship; it’s also about individual growth. Therapists often encourage individual reflection as part of the therapy process. Reflection can help each partner understand their own needs, feelings, and behaviors. This contributes to personal growth and a healthier relationship.

Measuring Progress and Maintaining Gains

Progress in couples therapy is not always linear. There may be ups and downs, but the overall trend should be towards improvement. Therapists use various methods to measure progress. This includes observing changes in communication and resolution skills, and assessing levels of emotional connection.

Setting and Reviewing Therapy Goals

Setting clear, achievable goals is a crucial part of couples therapy. These goals provide a roadmap for therapy and a measure of progress. Regularly reviewing and adjusting goals helps therapy stay on track. Additionally, reviewing goals ensures both partners’ needs are being met.

Techniques for Long-Term Relationship Health

Maintaining the gains made in therapy requires ongoing effort. Techniques for long-term relationship health include:

Regular check-ins to discuss relationship health
Practice communication and conflict resolution skills
Celebrate success
Acknowledge hard work and contribution to the relationship
Seek booster sessions with their therapist if needed

Conclusion: The Continuous Journey of Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is not a quick fix, but a journey. It requires commitment, effort, and patience from both partners. The techniques used in sessions can provide valuable tools for improving communication, resolving conflicts, and deepening emotional connection.

However, the real work happens outside the therapy room, as couples apply these techniques in their daily lives. Every couple is unique and what works for one may not work for another. The key is to find the techniques that resonate with both partners and align with their relationship goals.

The goal is not to create a perfect relationship. Rather to foster a relationship where both partners feel heard, understood, and valued. This is a continuous journey, but one that can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship.

About Dr. Awalt

Dr. Awalt owns Althought Therapy a private practice in Lakewood, CO that specializes in couples therapy. She works with clients in person in the Denver metro area and virtually throughout the state of Colorado.